Today I watched a spider kill and eat a fly. On the weekend my dog died. I don't want to talk about it. Last Thursday I got drunk and promised Cailyn I'd paint her a canvas of a snowboarding egg. The day before that I was watching Lady Sings The Blues and the actor who played Louis McKay looked like a boy that I used to really like, except African-American and old... but I still drank that off too.
I'm still in Scarborough. I don't know when I'm leaving. I don't know if I want to leave. I used to say I'd leave and never look back, but Scarborough, you are an anomaly. I have never loved and at the same time hated anything as much as you. It's just the way your Rapid Transit doors get stuck closed in the winter and men with anti-freeze and hockey sticks come and have to beat them open. The way Friday and Saturday nights riding the subway are parties in themseves with the amount of people pre-drinking on their way down town. The way your cops shoot young ruffians, and the way young ruffians shoot your cops. The way you courageously take the blame for all crimes written about in newspapers when we all know they really occured in North York.The way English is a second language on the Lawrence bus next to Hindi. The way part of the "W" of Walmart's sign has burned out and is now spelt the way it's pronounced in an East Indian accent as, "Valmart." The way my bike used to get stolen all the time. And of course, the way people involuntarily back away when I say I'm from scarborough.
The thing about the city is that no one ever calls saying, “Let’s go for a drive.” But last night I was back home in Scarborough and Nick did just that.
Nick and I once held hands for a year and a half. You could call it teenage love if you want to, but whatever it was, I’m glad that after it all ended, we can still call eachother. We drove to the middle of nowhere, or what seemed like it. We sat under the full moon smoking cigarettes and laughing about the nights we spent together that turned into mornings with our pupils huge and our hearts on fire. It was nice to trade police sirens and the buzz of streetcars for bull frogs and cricket sounds. It was nice to trade a new face for an old one. Even for one night.
I like angry face bus music. you know what i'm talking about. I also like little puppies with tiny skulls I can feel when i pet them. Again, you know what i mean. I almost burn down my apartment on a weekly basis, I don't like babies and I miss Scarborough.